Not A Bride, Please
by kinole009x
Summary: Two years after returning from Wonderland, Alice is dismayed to realize she has lost her muchness and is unhappily engaged. Even worse, upon tumbling back into Wonderland, someone is trying to make her forget the Hatter by feeding her an unusual potion.
1. Chapter 1: The Wedding Gown

_Chapter 1: The Wedding Gown_

Alice ran.

This was not something particularly new to her, as she was accustomed to running away from stressful situations, and this situation was no different. She was just as frightened as ever and the people in her life were of no help to her and her anxiety.

She collapsed at a spot that was only too familiar and began to tear at the grass angrily. She didn't even care that she was most likely getting hideous grass and dirt stains on her expensive white wedding gown.

_Wedding gown._

How had it come to this? After her return from…the most fantastic place that she had ever been to in her entire existence…she had been heading in the right direction…_her_ direction, making her dreams come true. She had traveled to China, conducted business, and made obvious strides for her father's company.

And then she had come home to London and gotten engaged like a fool. And now that she was hiding in the forest like a refugee, she now realized what a mistake she had made and how she how most definitely had lost her muchness in the past two years.

Calming down only slightly, she wrapped her arms around her knees, feeling the cool, silky satin against her bare arms. She smiled to herself as she thought about how wonderful it would feel to roll down the grassy hill and land in a rumpled heap at the bottom. If she were a child with no responsibilities or cares, she would most definitely do it without a single thought. And as quickly as it had come, her smile faded as she thought of the circumstances that had chased her into the forest in the first place.

Much to Alice's horror, Lady Ascot had insisted on playing a definitive role in the planning of her wedding. This surprised Alice very much, since Lady Ascot had not bothered to hide her bitterness in the last two years, due to Alice publicly refusing her son's proposal. But Lord Ascot had become a genuine father figure to Alice and she believed that deep down in Lady Ascot's black little heart, she held a tiny fondness for the fact that she was engaging in a proper act for once. Even if that proper act was something as unsettling as marriage.

It was the beginning of August and it had been a dreadfully hot and sticky day. Alice had stood on a rather unstable stool as Lady Ascot's seamstresses fussed about her, altering her dress here and tightening her dress there. Alice was finding it quite hard to breathe, thanks to the distressing combination of the heat, her nerves, and the constricting corset.

Her mother, Helen Kingsleigh, watched these proceedings with a wary eye and a tight smile. She disliked very much standing next to Lady Ascot and watching her take control of even the tiniest piece of her daughter's wedding, but it was for the best, she knew.

Alice's sister, Margaret, stood on the other side of Helen and was positively beaming. It pained Alice to look at her in such an excited state when it came to the idea of marriage. Alice still harbored a bit of guilt at catching Lowell with another woman and at the fact that Margaret still considered her own life and marriage perfect.

A particularly unsympathetic seamstress named Elsa pulled the strings of Alice's dress tightly and without mercy, and Alice gasped in pain, nearly falling right off of the stool. She wretched herself away from the hands that were prodding at her and moved across the room, digging her fingers between the laces at her back, trying desperately to loosen them.

She ignored the surprised looks of the seamstresses and the look of disapproval from Lady Ascot. She also ignored the look of alarm on Margaret's face and the scandalized look on her mother's. It was simply too hot and she could not breathe. She had told them repeatedly that it was too tight and that she felt faint. She was almost certain that dear Elsa had done this deliberately.

"Is there a problem, Miss Kingsleigh?" Lady Ascot asked, her voice cold and her nose in the air, as usual.

"I'm afraid so," Alice answered, struggling to keep her tone polite. "I literally cannot breathe and I have told these ladies continuously that what they are doing hurts."

She shot a cool glance at dark-haired Elsa.

"And yet they try and make me pass out."

Lady Ascot narrowed her eyes and Helen pressed a hand to her forehead and looked away, obviously distressed. Margaret hurried over to her sister.

"Pain is beauty, Alice dear," she whispered in her ear, clearly attempting to make amends…or a pathetic excuse.

"Then I do not want beauty," Alice murmured and Margaret spun her around so that she was looking directly into her sister's tired eyes.

"What on earth is wrong with you?" she asked so that only Alice could hear. "Are you enjoying quarreling with the seamstresses and distressing poor Mother?"

"It is not intentional, I assure you," Alice whispered back, glaring at the seamstresses who had begun to whisper amongst themselves.

"Alice, please," Margaret pleaded, taking her hands. "Just a few more moments. Let them fix the dress and you will be done for today."

Alice looked away.

"I would give anything to be where you are," Margaret whispered. "This is the _exciting_, Alice!"

"Well then, Margaret," Alice replied, pulling her hands free. "_You_ put on the dress and _you_ marry James." And with that, she turned on her elegant white heel and left the room.

She had to admit, after almost a year of sort of behaving, it felt good to stand up for herself again. Her steps echoed off of the polished floors of the Ascot halls and resounded in her ears. As she turned the corner, she bumped directly into Hamish.

"Miss Kingsleigh," he said irritably, looking down his nose at her. "I daresay it is quite scandalous to walk about the house like that."

Alice had ignored him and that is when she had run across the familiar grounds, through the forest, and to the rabbit hole.

Alice felt very much as if she had been drawn to this place by a magnetic force. She had not forgotten her Wonderland in the last two years; in fact, she thought about it constantly. And at first it had given her immense joy to think about her friends and her adventures there, and it had given her the courage and the will to pursue her dreams.

And now when she thought about it, it caused her heartache and made her doubt herself and her sanity. Perhaps that is the point where she began to lose her muchness. Perhaps that is the point where she began to conform to society and its rules.

_Alice._

Startled, Alice looked around. She was almost positive that she had heard someone call her name. She internally slapped away the hope inside her, knowing it was probably her sister or somebody else she would no doubt argue with.

_Alice._

But it was a male voice! And so it could not be any of the disagreeable females from the Ascot mansion. Alice knew a male voice in a forest should have alarmed her, but it made her feel unreasonably calm. Before she knew what she was doing, she found herself leaning towards the rabbit hole.

There had already been a few times where she had run to this spot in the past two years, wanting desperately to go back and to see if it really was real. But she was very much afraid of what she would find. She didn't know how she would deal with the disappointment if she climbed down and found that the rabbit hole was only four feet deep and was in fact a literal home to wild rabbits.

_Alice!_

The voice was urgent now and Alice peered down into the deep blackness of the hole. Was she going mad? It was definitely a possibility but that possibility did not alarm her. She would be quite honored to be mad, especially if she were as mad as a dear friend she had left behind two years ago.

She was just about to think further about her green-eyed, orange-haired friend when something furry shot out of the rabbit hole as fast as lightning and wrapped around her wrist, pulling her into the dark abyss.

She should have screamed in terror as she plunged into the darkness, surrounded by a plethora of strange and random objects.

But instead, she welcomed it.

* * *

**A/N: This is more of an experiment than anything. I've written plenty of fan fiction before but I wasn't even going to touch Alice In Wonderland, since I loved the movie and didn't think I would do it any justice. But I couldn't help but try anyway and so I would greatly appreciate to know what people think. =)**


	2. Chapter 2: The Reunion

_Chapter 2: The Reunion_

_ Ugh. It hadn't hurt like this the first two times had it?_

Alice opened her eyes and brought a hand up to her head. It ached terribly. Where was she? With difficulty, she pulled herself up and looked around.

Of course! The strange room with the locked doors! Ignoring her migraine, she scrambled to her feet and inspected the tiny table in the center of the room. Surely there was a tiny bottle here, or a tiny cake, even a key…

Bewildered, she looked around. The room was wide and open and there were no hiding places to speak of. Anxious to get into Underland, Alice marched to the first door she saw and opened it assertively, not expecting much luck.

But it opened easily enough.

Alice poked her head through, the bright sunlight blinding her momentarily, as she heard two familiar voices.

"You pulled her down with your tail? Well. That's very original, Chess."

"Excuse me. I apologize that due to the time constraint I could not come up with anything theatrical enough for your tastes, McTwisp."

"And where is she now?"

"Behind you," the Cat murmured, floating on his back towards Alice.

The White Rabbit turned, momentarily startled, before bowing awkwardly. "Alice!"

"_Thee _Alice," Chess corrected him.

Alice's heart soared at seeing two familiar friends. "Hello Chess, hello McTwisp!" she exclaimed, stepping through the door and shutting it behind her.

"It is wonderful to see you in Underland again, Alice," McTwisp declared, taking her hand in his paws. "And also at quite the right size."

The Cheshire Cat was eyeing her suspiciously. "My dear, what did you do to your head?"

Puzzled, Alice brought a hand up to her forehead and winced when she felt something warm. Why was she bleeding? Chess's exuberant smile widened as he floated around her head.

"May I?"

Alice looked up at him hesitantly, not quite sure what the Cat's idea of a cure would be.

"I just want to bind it," Chess assured her in a lazy drawl as he pulled a striped, purple handkerchief virtually out of nowhere and bound it tightly around her head. Alice was sure that she looked ridiculous but she did not care in the least. She was back where she wanted to be.

She thanked Chess and then looked around, breathing in the sweet air.

Chess was still scrutinizing her.

"What is that other thing on your head?" he asked curiously.

Raising an eyebrow, Alice once again reached up to feel her head and felt the soft, pleasant silk. Her heart sunk. She did not want to tell everyone what losing her muchness had resulted in but she knew no one would believe her if she told them it was just every day attire. No, the truth would have to do.

"A wedding veil," she said uncomfortably, walking a little ways away to a flower bed that appeared to be trembling. She could practically feel the surprised stares of the cat and the rabbit on her.

The trembling was a soft snoring that was coming from behind the wide flower bed and she peered over it to see who was enjoying themselves on this glorious afternoon. She was delighted to see a large brown dog sprawled out on his side.

"Bayard!"

The dog jumped up quickly, looking around wildly, before his eyes rested on Alice.

"Alice!"

Laughing, Alice threw her arms around the dog and he wagged his tail. "How are you? How is your family?"

"Very well, Miss Alice! Very well indeed. It is lovely to see you back in Underland!"

"It's lovely to be back in Underland," Alice admitted, and suddenly looked back at Chess and McTwisp, who still looked disturbed about the wedding confession. Alice vaguely wondered why.

"Where is the Hatter?" she asked suddenly, wanting very much to see her old friend and show him that she still remembered him, just as she promised.

"The White Queen's castle," McTwisp told her, bounding forward. "Shall we take you there, Alice?"

"Please," Alice replied as they began to walk deeper into the beautiful garden full of life.

She waved to the excited flowers and listened in amusement as The White Rabbit bickered with Chess.

"This was your plan all along! I am sure that is why you brought Bayard along. And you both have obviously been waiting for her an awful long time, waiting for the perfect opportunity to snatch poor Alice. Why did you not speak of this?"

"It's called a surprise, McTwisp," Chess explain airily with a hint of sarcasm. "No need to arrange an entire welcoming party right here at the door and overwhelm the girl."

Alice suppressed a giggle. In all honesty, she wouldn't have minded a welcoming party one bit.

The White Castle was as beautiful as ever and Alice felt butterflies stir in her stomach at the thought of seeing her friends again. Now that full control was back in the White Queen's hands, everything about Underland looked brighter. It cheered Alice to be here under pleasant circumstances.

They entered the castle and Alice could not keep her eyes off of the pristine and perfect white marble walls and floors that literally seemed to sparkle. Her heels clicked off of the floor but in a much happier manner than they had at the Ascot mansion. Straight ahead, she could see Mirana, the White Queen, sitting on her beautiful white throne. Her ladies surrounded her, sitting comfortably. They were all laughing together and it made Alice smile.

When Mirana turned her gaze onto her visitors, she rose immediately. Her arms lifted and her posture poised, she politely excused herself from her friends and practically floated the rest of the way to meet Alice.

"Alice?" she whispered, reaching a pale hand out to caress the girl's cheek, as if she could not quite believe who she was seeing. Alice smiled at the Queen's gentle touch, bowing in a tiny curtsy.

"Yes, your…"

"Alice dear, please call me Mirana," she said with a kind smile, taking her hand and leading her towards the throne. "We are all equals here, after all."

Alice obediently followed Mirana, who sat her promptly onto her very own throne. The ladies lounging on the floor greeted her enthusiastically and Mirana herself kneelt in front of the girl, looking up at her in sudden concern.

"Whatever happened to your head?" she inquired and Alice envisioned the silly striped purple handkerchief wrapped around her bloody forehead.

"I'm not quite sure," Alice said slowly and the White Rabbit appeared next to the Queen.

"I believe that she hit her head when she landed, after falling down the rabbit hole," he suggested. "Because some people don't consult others in planning these things…"

Chess appeared above Alice's head, lounging on the air. "Dearest Mirana, it was in my best intentions, I assure you."

Mirana smiled knowingly at the two, before turning back to Alice and studying her further. "What a lovely dress," she remarked, although her smile did not quite reach her eyes this time.

Alice did not smile at all. "Thank you," she said, unpinning the veil from her head and rumpling it in her hands, as if trying to make it disappear. Alice imagined that the fact that she was wearing a wedding gown was like an elephant in the room: everybody noticed and it was hard not to say something.

"You seem troubled," Mirana pointed out in a low voice and Alice let out a practically inaudible sigh.

"I'm always troubled," she said good-naturedly and Mirana laughed.

"How's the Hatter?" Alice asked eagerly. It made her extremely nervous when Mirana's smile faltered a bit at the mention of his name, and her eyes rose to meet the Cheshire Cat's.

"He's mad, as usual," Chess said smoothly and Alice noted that this gave her absolutely no valuable information at all. Of course he was mad, that was one of the very things she loved about him.

"Alice dear," Mirana said. "It's late. I do hope you are planning on staying?"

Alice's eyes widened and Mirana took her hands and helped her to her feet.

"Staying the night?" she corrected apologetically, realizing her error.

"Yes, of course," Alice whispered, momentarily caught off guard.

"I have to attend to something urgent," Mirana said suddenly. "Do forgive me. I will have one of my ladies show you to a most beautiful room."

"Thank you," Alice said gratefully, as a very pretty, young lady rose gracefully from the floor.

McTwisp said something at that moment to Mirana, so quietly that Alice did not quite catch it at first. She could slightly make it out, but what appeared to say seemed so strange that it made Alice doubt that he even said it at all.

"_I wouldn't let Tarrant see her in that dress."_

Confused, Alice turned quickly to ask Mirana what that could possibly mean, but she was already gone.

What was wrong with her dress? Alice frowned and looked down, inspecting herself. Quickly, she looked back up.

She had forgotten for a few moments that she was still wearing a wedding gown.


	3. Chapter 3: The Disaster

_Chapter 3: The Disaster_

Alice felt a powerful wave of nostalgia wash over her when the young lady showed her into her room.

It was the same room she had occupied two years ago, the night before she was scheduled to slay the Jabberwocky. The room was elaborately decorated in whites and pale blues and a huge canopied bed sat in the center. Alice stepped in, feeling like she was returning home after a long time away.

"Can I get anything else for you, Miss Alice?" the young lady asked her kindly and Alice walked, almost mesmerized, around the room.

"No but thank you very much," she answered politely, running her hand across the silky bed covers.

There was a quick knock on the door and Alice looked over her shoulder. She saw the lady poke her head out the door momentarily and take something from beyond.

"Miss Alice," she said, floating over to her with as much grace as Mirana. "Something for you from the kitchen, in honor of your return."

The lady handed her a cup of tea and Alice smiled, thanking her before she left.

Alice stared into her tea thoughtfully, immediately thinking about the Hatter. She wanted very much to see him at that instant and truthfully, she was a bit surprised that no one had reunited them yet. It worried her – almost as if something was terribly wrong.

The tea was much too hot to drink at that moment, and so Alice placed it gently on the bureau that was standing next to a full length mirror. Alice's own reflection caught her eye. She hadn't seen herself in her wedding dress yet and she was a bit taken back.

As much as she disliked Lady Ascot's seamstresses, she had to admit, the dress fit perfectly. It was long and white and strapless (something that Lady Ascot assured Alice she would fix immediately, as soon as she found the right fabric). She turned and examined her figure. The back was laced, criss-crossed, in the back and Alice frowned, sensing that was where her discomfort was coming from.

Alice wasn't one for fashion and she hardly ever looked at herself in the mirror if she could help it. In fact, she hadn't seen a mirror for days when she was traveling around the world. And so she hadn't realized the minor changes that had decided to occupy her body.

She was twenty-one now and although she still had long, wavy blonde hair and pale skin, she was a bit curvier than she had been two years ago. In fact, she almost resembled Margaret, who had filled out early as a young girl. Alice had never cared about filling out at all and now that she had, she was rather embarrassed. She hoped her Wonderland friends would not notice. Sighing, she threw her veil aside and took a sip of tea.

It was the most delicious tea, with an assortment of many different and beautiful flavors: brown sugar and lemon and chocolate and melon. She wondered if the March Hare had made it and the idea made her smile. The next day, she would have to go in search for him.

There was a soft, delicate knock on the door as Alice finished her tea. Alice called out that whomever was there could come in, and Mirana entered, her elegant white dress swishing around her. In her arms, she held a bundle of soft whiteness.

"Alice," she said with a smile, putting the bundle on the bed. "How are you doing?"

"Very well, thank you," Alice replied, returning her smile and looking at the bundle.

"It's a nightgown," Mirana explained, patting it lightly. "As soon as possible, I shall get some clothes for you for tomorrow. But for now, I am assuming that you would very much love to be free of that dress?"

Alice nodded. "I would."

"If you don't mind my assistance…"

"Not at all," Alice answered, turning around obediently so that the Queen could unlace her complicated dress.

A comfortable silence hung in the air for a few moments, before Mirana's musical voice rang out.

"Excuse me and my inquiries," she said quietly. "But I must ask you, Alice. Is this a wedding gown?"

The question was simple enough but it pained Alice to hear the words spoken out loud. The guilt and shame caused her to bow her head; not able to look the Queen in the eye via the mirror.

"Yes," she whispered, feeling the constricting weight of the corset free her waist (and her poor lungs). Mirana handed her the nightgown and turned to the large window-door to give her some privacy.

Alice slipped out of the dress and into the soft, cool nightgown. She gathered her veil and dress into a ball and shoved it under the bed.

"Congratulations," Mirana said softly as she turned around, offering a small smile. "I hope that you will be very happy."

Alice wanted to tell her that she would most definitely never be happy in that predicament, but she didn't want to burden her friends with her troubles. And so she graciously thanked Marina for her well wishes.

"But I see now that you are exhausted," Mirana said, helping Alice over to the bed. "And so you should rest. Tomorrow will be an excellent day."

Alice climbed under the covers, feeling very much like she was a young child again. The Queen pulled the covers over her, and put a cool hand on her injured forehead.

"Sleep well, Alice," she murmured with a smile. "And may you have only the best of dreams."

"Thank you," Alice whispered and as soon as the words were out of her mouth, she was asleep.

The sunlight wavered across the big, white and blue bed and Alice opened her eyes, squinting in the bright light. She didn't feel quite well and so she rolled over, pulled the covers over her head, and willed herself to go back to sleep.

Until realized suddenly that she was still in Underland. She sat up, her happiness overriding her nausea. She slid out of the bed, her bare feet hitting the cold marble floor, and ran over to the window-door, bursting through it and onto the balcony.

It was not a dream. She was still there! The fresh air stirred her hair and her spirits and the sights took her breath away.

She turned and went back into her room, still feeling a tiny bit nauseous but deciding to ignore it. It would have to go away eventually. She could not understand why she felt so strange but she decided not to let it steal her joy.

Precisely an hour later, Alice was washed and dressed and rid of the silly handkerchief that had been wrapped around her head wound. When she stepped out into the hall, Mirana was waiting and took her hand. "How would you like to go see the Hatter?" she asked her, beaming.

Alice froze, confounded.

The look of alarm that briefly crossed Mirana's face frightened Alice and she quickly recovered.

"I'm sorry," she said to the Queen with an apologetic smile. "Yes, I would, please."

Mirana smiled but did not completely erase Alice's confused look from her mind. That had been very strange, indeed.

Alice felt anxious fear fill her stomach to the brim as Mirana led her down the polished, white staircase. The Hatter? Who was the Hatter? Alice felt conflicted, like she should really know the person who the Queen spoke of. But she could conjure no image of the being and especially not any distinctive traits or memories.

But somewhere deep inside her, she _knew_ that she had to know this person. Although she was so happy to be back in Wonderland with all of her friends, she felt as if something were still missing: the presence – the very idea – of somebody. She hoped that upon seeing the Hatter's face she would remember and snap out of this ridiculous spell.

Mirana opened a set of bright double doors and led Alice into a grand dining room, with a long table that was filled with food and surrounded by happy, chattering people and animals. Alice nervously scanned the faces for whoever may be the Hatter.

She searched until Mirana gently patted her hand. "There he is, dear," she murmured and Alice followed her gaze to the corner of the table, nearest to the windows. The Hatter was seated between McTwisp and a tiny dormouse who Alice remembered as Mallymkun.

The Hatter was a very pale man, with fiery orange hair and large, green eyes. On his head was a tattered top hat and he was dressed in the most brilliant, yet odd, array of clothing. He was staring into a cup of tea, obviously a bit jittery, while McTwisp and Mally talked to him encouragingly.

Alice's heart sunk as she realized that she really did not remember him. She most definitely wanted to know him though. He looked like a wonderful individual.

Mirana led her around the table until they were directly behind the trio. "Are you ready?" she whispered to Alice, who nodded nervously, although she most definitely was not ready. Not in the least.

She watched as Mirana lightly tapped the Hatter on the shoulder.

"Tarrant?" she said gently. "I brought someone to see you."

The Hatter turned around slowly, gazing up at the Queen with eyes that seemed lifeless, with only the smallest spark of hope within them. His eyes drifted to Alice, who became quite uncomfortable under his stare. What was she to do? She felt guilty pretending, but she forced a smile upon her face anyway.

He rose slowly out of his chair, his teacup still in his hands, and Alice watched in amazement as his eyes became a vibrant green color and his face broke into a timid, gaped smile.

"Alice?" he whispered, with a slight lisp.

"Y-yes," Alice said quietly, clasping her hands together tightly, not knowing what else she could say. She was vaguely aware of Mirana's eyes on her.

"Do you…" The Hatter paused, almost not sure what to say himself. "Do you remember me?" he asked in a low voice, his eyes full of such excruciating hope that Alice felt even worse.

Alice was hesitant. She desperately searched inside her for some kind of familiarity so that she could tell this Hatter that she did remember him. But the truth was, although she felt she ought to, she didn't remember him at all. And she couldn't tell him she did, because that would be wrong and they would all know she was lying.

Overcome with guilt, Alice swallowed thickly. "No," she whispered.

She was suddenly aware that it was completely silent and that all the eyes in the dining hall were on them. She watched, afraid, as a brief flash of pain flashed in the Hatter's eyes, before the color faded and the slight smile slid completely off of his face. She wanted to reassure him in some way, to tell him that it was her fault and that of course she should know him, that she couldn't figure out for the life of her why she had forgotten, but she couldn't speak.

And then his eyes turned a strange orange color and the teacup was crushed beneath his grip, spraying them both with tea. He was sinking to his knees, his eyes staring unseeingly ahead, and Mirana was kneeling beside him, whispering to him.

Alice stared at him in shock, before quickly kneeling before him. She tried to tell him that she was so very sorry for her lapse in memory, but it was like he could not even hear her. He was muttering under his breath in an intelligible, thick Scottish accent, gathering the pieces of the broken cup in his hands and cutting his already bandaged fingers in the process.

Nothing she was doing was helping, and so completely torn, she struggled to her feet and ran out of the dining room.

_There you go again Alice_, she thought angrily. _Running away._

She burst through the elegant double front doors, feeling the sick feeling creeping back into her veins. She ran around the castle, looking for somewhere she could preferably hide, although she knew she shouldn't hide from those she loved. She made her way into the Queen's garden.

She sat listlessly on a granite bench next to a beautiful bush cut into the shape of a rabbit. Looking around now, she saw that all of the bushes were shaped as various animals. If she weren't so distressed, she would have thought they were absolutely and stunningly lovely.

She dropped her head into her hands, wanting nothing but to burst into tears, but she knew that this was no time to fall apart. She knew something was desperately wrong – with _her_. She could not get the sight of the Hatter out of her mind, the poor man breaking into bits right in front of her…_because_ of her. His intense reaction to her anti-remembrance made her want to know even more what their relationship had been.

After a few moments, she felt a presence and her shoulder suddenly itched. Lifting her head and turning it slightly, she saw a beautiful, blue butterfly positioned on her shoulder.

"Absolem!" she exclaimed.

"Quite right," Absolem remarked in his usual laid-back demeanor. "And may I ask what you are doing hiding in the garden alone, away from everyone else?"

Alice looked down at her hands. "I-I can't remember the Hatter," she said quietly. "I feel like I should know who he is, but… I don't."

Absolem was serenely silent for a moment, before speaking.

"Well, there is only one thing to do then," he announced.

"What's that?" Alice asked eagerly, hoping the wise Absolem would have answers for her.

"Search yourself, dear girl," he said, his voice distant, as the Tweedles came bounding into the garden with a plate of muffins and a cup of tea.

And then he flew away.

Alice sprang to her feet. "Absolem, wait!" she shouted, but he was already gone. Defeated, she sat back down.

"I don't understand," she said softly.


	4. Chapter 4: The Attempt at Remembrance

_Chapter 4: The Attempt at Remembrance_

Alice spent the remainder of the morning in the garden with the Tweedles, eating muffins, sipping tea, and talking about everything and nothing. But eventually, the boys had to depart and return to the castle to do whatever it was that Tweedles did. They both offered to escort her but Alice assured them that she was enjoying the garden and wanted to stay a bit longer. She watched them stumble away, each arguing over who would hold Alice's empty cup and muffin plate.

Sighing, Alice got up off of the grass, where she had been sprawled comfortably, and sat back down on the bench. She inspected the lovely lavender dress that Mirana had given her and was pleased to see that it had no grass stains on it. She couldn't say as much for London grass.

Chessur suddenly appeared on top of the rabbit bush's head a few moments later.

"If you don't mind my pointing out the obvious," the Cat said slowly. "I would like to say that the scene in the dining room was quite tragic."

Alice shot a look at him. "Really? Because I did not notice that I single-handedly crushed somebody's hopes today."

Chess's smile did not disappear. In fact, it widened. "Please accept my apologies."

"I'm sorry, Chess. I didn't mean to be rude. I'm just confused, that's all."

"As we all are," the Cat agreed. "But wouldn't you join me on a little journey to the castle?"

Alice hesitated. "I don't know."

Chessur began to float towards the entrance of the garden. "Do you plan to stay out here all night?"

Alice folded her arms. With the way things had gone that morning, it did not sound like a bad idea.

"Suit yourself," Chess said with a wink. "But I wouldn't recommend it."

"Why?" Alice asked him, and then felt daft. _Because nobody in their right mind hides in gardens all night, Alice!_

"Danger is lurking near," the Cat purred dramatically before disappearing completely.

Alice stared at the spot where he had just been, quite bewildered. Why was everybody talking in riddles today? First Absolem had made absolutely no sense and now Chessur was talking in tongues. She mustered up all of her strength and stood up, thinking about what they had each said.

Something tugged at Alice's mind. What if there _was_ danger? Suddenly fearful, Alice ran out of the garden, searching the air for the Cheshire Cat and calling his name.

She realized that she was running back towards the Queen's castle but that was not altogether surprising, since there was nowhere else to run. She came to an abrupt stop when Chessur appeared at the entrance, lying in the air on his back.

"There's danger?" Alice asked breathlessly.

"Indeed."

"What kind of danger?"

"Danger of the utmost kind."

Alice stared at him. "You're not making any sense."

"I know," the Cat agreed. "But here is what you can do."

Alice stood up a little straighter, wanting to help.

"You must squat beside that bush over there."

Alice furrowed her eyebrows. "You are not serious."

"Would I lie to you, Alice?"

Alice took a step backwards and studied the lounging Cat. "I don't know, Chess, would you?"

"Oh my dear friend, that hurt." Chess put a paw on his heart.

Alice sighed and walked over to a lovely bush that was shaped as a dog. "All right, now what?"

Chessur disappeared and reappeared beside her. "Now you must lay in the grass."

Not wanting to provoke her mischievous friend, Alice did as she was told. She didn't know how this would help anything, but then again, there had been a time when she believed animals could not talk and cats could not grin. She gazed up at the bright, blue, cloudless sky and waited.

"Now levitate."

"Chess!" With a small, frustrated groan, Alice pulled herself to her feet. She strode past the chortling Cat and entered the White Castle.

She found herself in the regal throne room and saw Mirana seated on her throne. Alice was about to go to her, anxious to talk about that morning, but then she saw the figure that was standing before the throne.

It was the Hatter, his back to her as he faced the Queen.

Alice felt her heart rise into her throat and she immediately turned to leave the castle, but Mirana had already seen her.

"Alice!" she called brightly . "Would you come here for a moment, please?"

Alice hesitated, her heart sinking from her throat right back down to the bottom of her stomach. She turned slowly and the Hatter caught her eyes with his. She began to walk towards the throne, her eyes traveling to Mirana's. The sunlight gleamed through the tall windows, hurting her eyes and distracting her thoughts. She disliked being the sudden central point of attention; it seemed like the long walk to the throne would never end.

Mirana stood as she approached and took Alice's hands in her own.

"Alice, dear," she said gently. "I believe firmly in good starts. And I do not think that this morning was one of those. If you would please…" she positioned Alice in front of the Hatter.

"Alice," she declared, her voice strong and clear. "This is Tarrant."

She stood poised for a moment or two, as if expecting something to happen. When nothing actually did happen, she continued.

"Tarrant, this is Alice!"

The Hatter's eye twitched slightly.

The Queen let out a sigh that was very similar to a balloon deflating. "Oh dear," she murmured. "I was certain that would work."

Alice felt uncomfortable and found that she could not meet the Hatter's eyes. Instead, she looked at the Queen, who was deep in her thoughts at the moment.

"Ah!" she said suddenly, taking Alice's hand in her right hand and Tarrant's hand in her left. She joined Alice's hand with the Hatter's and took a step back.

Alice felt a curious tingling sensation in her hand, although she had no idea why. The Hatter's hand was warm, even through the bandages and cut off gloves, and she felt in his touch that he had been a very dear friend.

But other than that, nothing happened. Mirana pinched the bridge of her nose momentarily and closed her eyes, before taking both of their hands once more.

"I think that you both should talk," she said quietly, opening her eyes, catching their gazes, and holding them with hers. "Alice, I do not have the slightest idea why you remember all of us, but not Tarrant, but I sincerely believe that you will remember in time."

She turned slightly towards the Hatter. "Tarrant, do not lose heart. This is not in any way your fault. I sincerely believe that you can help her remember."

And with those encouraging words, she led them through a wide door and up a set of gleaming, marble steps. Another door occupied the top, and she brought them onto a beautiful balcony. And then, she released their hands and backed away. She smiled at them knowingly, before exiting gracefully.

Alice looked out over the railing and saw light blue sky wherever she turned. Below, the neatly trim grass stretched on for miles and the rest of the pristine white castle towered over them from above. She would have loved to sit here by herself and observe, but she found she could not fully appreciate the breathtaking views at that moment.

The Hatter had sat on a white, alabaster bench, twiddling his thumbs nervously. Alice sat next to him, unsure of what to say. After a few moments, she decided it would be best to start simple.

"Hello, Hatter," she said quietly, peering at him from the corner of her eye.

He lifted his gaze, staring straight ahead, as if her voice unnerved him. "Hello, Alice."

There was silence. Alice wrung her hands, quite sure that the painful awkwardness would be the end of her.

And then the Hatter turned towards her. "I've been considering things that begin with the letter F, you know."

"What kind of things?" Alice asked, hoping to encourage him.

The Hatter was silent, as if re-contemplating, before he spoke.

"Forgetting… friends…feathers."

"Feathers?" Alice asked, confused. She could understand the first two, but feathers?

"The raven," the Hatter explained quickly, as if it were perfectly obvious. "We used to wonder how a raven was like a writing desk."

Alice considered this for a moment before speaking. "Why _is_ a raven like a writing desk?"

The Hatter turned back to his original position and stared straight ahead again, his mood and appearance once again becoming somber. "I don't know," he whispered.

That one exchange between them had been so unbearably sad that Alice felt she had to turn the tide somehow. She turned towards him more fully, deciding that she would be sincere.

"Hatter?"

He looked up immediately and gave her his full attention. "Yes?"

"I'm very sorry," she said softly.

The Hatter smiled sadly and said quickly, "It's fine. I'm fine. You're fine. It's all fine."

"But it's not fine," Alice told him. "I can't understand why I don't remember…" She trailed off suddenly.

Something was forming in her mind, almost a realization. She reached out, as if in a trance, and touched the Hatter's face. _Remember, Alice, _she urged herself as she watched the Hatter's eyes change from confused to hopeful.

"You said you wouldn't forget," he whispered, his eyes wide.

"I…I did?" Alice asked, feeling the guilt returning.

"Yes. I told you that you wouldn't remember me and you said 'how could I forget?'"

_How could I forget?_

Alice pulled her hand back, her gaze dropping to the ground as she let this information sink in.

And that's when Chessur appeared on the other side of Alice.

"Alice, I'm so dreadfully sorry about before," he said, rubbing his paws together. "Do forgive me."

Startled at his sudden apparition, Alice snapped out of her daze. "It's all right, Chess," she said.

Chess grinned up at her ridiculously and the Hatter stood up. Alice could almost sense that he was slipping back into the same melancholy mood she had seen him in that morning and it pained her to realize that.

"Tarrant, you silly thing, come back here," Chessur demanded but Tarrant only waved a hand at him and walked away.

"Oh dear," the Cat murmured. "That did not go according to plan, did it?"

"Plan?" Alice repeated, staring at the door that the Hatter had just walked through.

"I only interrupted because I sensed an awkward moment," Chess explained, dangling his tiny legs over the end of the bench and swinging them. "Awkward moments are not healthy for anybody."

Alice leaned back against a pearly white tree and began to lose herself in her thoughts.

"So," Chessur said conversationally, with a grin. "You are to be married?"

Alice closed her eyes. "I suppose."

"You suppose? I sense cold feet."

"Yes, well," Alice brought a hand to head, massaging her temples. She didn't like that her unfortunate engagement kept coming up in casual conversation. To her, it was anything but casual.

"I would not tell Tarrant," Chess muttered and Alice could have sworn that from somewhere inside the castle, she heard the sound of something being thrown against a wall and shattering into pieces. She sat up straight and looked up towards the looming towers.

"Did you hear that?" she asked.

Chess shrugged. "The March Hare?" he suggested, his tone mildly uninterested.

"Perhaps," Alice said, although she secretly wasn't so sure.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for the adds, and especially for the reviews! I really appreciate what everyone had to say and I would love to continue to hear feedback. =)**


	5. Chapter 5: The Ball

_Chapter 5: The Ball_

Evening fell at last and Alice stood on the balcony attached to her room. She had been sitting there for at least an hour, wracking her brain for any memories of the Hatter. She hated to see him so sad and she wanted to improve the situation in any way that she could.

But the curious thing was that although she could remember her first two trips to Wonderland, who she had met, and what had happened, she couldn't see the Hatter in any of those memories. It was very much like he had never even existed.

She was starting to see vague images, however. Amidst her thoughts and memories, she could see a miniature version of herself sleeping under a tattered hat, and placing that same hat on the Hatter's head in a castle that was not the White Queen's. Surely those must be genuine memories? She hoped that more would emerge, as well as an understanding of what her relationship with the Hatter had been.

Sighing, she leaned down and pressed her forehead against the cool, granite railing. The sun was setting, sending beautiful golden shadows across the balcony. Alice would have been absolutely mesmerized if she hadn't been so perplexed.

At that moment, she heard a soft knock on the window-door behind her. She stood up straighter and turned around to see the young lady who had showed her to her room the night before, holding a steaming cup of tea.

"Good evening, Miss Alice," she said with a smile.

"Good evening," Alice said pleasantly, and the young lady's smile suddenly faltered.

"Are you feeling all right?" she asked timidly, taking a few steps forward.

Alice nodded. "I believe so. I'm just a bit confused, is all." She wasn't wary about bringing up the subject since she was sure everybody had seen what had happened in the dining room that morning. And if they hadn't, they had certainly heard about it.

"Completely understandable," the lady said kindly, holding out the tea to her. "Perhaps some tea w ill clear your head?"

Alice took it gratefully. "Thank you," she said, holding the hot cup between her hands and feeling its warmth spread up her arms and through her entire body.

"You're welcome," the lady backed up and curtsied, before leaving.

Alice drank the tea so quickly that she surprised even herself. It tasted much different than the tea she had sipped in the garden that morning with the Tweedles, but it was the same tea she had had the night before. And it was still the most delicious tea she had ever had. As soon as she had finished it, she found herself wanting more. She then realized that she had been craving it all day.

Quite suddenly, she felt tired. Stumbling back into her room, Alice set the teacup on the polished wooden floor and tried to walk to the bed. But before she reached it, she collapsed to the ground, already in a deep sleep.

"_Memories are funny things, aren't they Alice?"_

_Startled, Alice looked around. She was sitting on the brim of a hat. But how was that even possible? She was much too large to comfortably fit on the brim of a hat, unless this was a giant's hat, which she was most certain that it was not._

_Peering over the brim, she saw bright orange hair and eyebrows. The Hatter! And she was precisely the size of his hand! But how? Alice clung tightly to the smooth, light pink ribbon that was tied around the tattered fabric of the top hat._

"_Funny indeed, but they never last. Did you know that, Alice? They fade into the background until you either never knew they existed, or that you are convinced you entirely made them up."_

_The Hatter's lips were moving, but Alice couldn't hear what he was saying. No, because all she could hear was somebody else's voice ringing out from above the trees, telling her what she already knew about memories._

"_Dreams are very much the same way, you know."_

_A half-gloved hand reached up at that instant and picked Alice up delicately. In a matter of seconds, she came face to face with the Hatter, who was holding her in the palm of his hand, right up to his face. He was looking at her strangely and she couldn't quite figure out why._

"_And if you have no memory of somebody, they mustn't have been very important to begin with. If you cannot remember a person, they obviously hold no meaning to you, no home in your heart, no place in your world."_

_The Hatter had set her down on a rock and had begun to walk away. Alice tried to call to him, to make him come back, but she couldn't force any sound through her throat._

_Stupid voice in the air. Now the Hatter would never come back._

"_Let it go, Alice."_

_Let what go?_

"_Give it up, Alice. You'll never remember."_

_That can't be true. No!_

_And that's when the Hatter looked over his shoulder at her, his eyes burning orange. And everything went black._

"Alice? Alice!"

Alice's eyes shot open and she peered into the Queen's concerned face.

"Are you all right?" Mirana asked her, gently helping her up to a sitting position.

"I think so," Alice murmured, as her blurry vision began to clear. But was she all right? Why was she breathing so heavily and why was her voice raw? Why did her head hurt and why did she feel confused, as if she had forgotten something important?

As she was trying to come up with reasonable answers to her own questions, she noticed that the Queen was dressed very elegantly. She was, as usual, dressed entirely in white, but her dress was encrusted with dazzling beads and sparkling diamonds that shimmered in the light of the room. A tiny golden crown accompanied the top of her head.

Upon seeing her confused look, Mirana looked positively guilty. "I suppose I should tell you," she said, smoothing out her skirts. "I'm holding a ball tonight in your honor."

Alice brought a hand to her head, wishing the pain would flee. "A ball?" she asked slowly.

"A ball," Mirana agreed. "And it was to be a surprise but…I figured it would be better to tell you right now."

"Oh," Alice said, dazed. She still couldn't think straight.

"Did you faint?" Mirana asked her.

Had she? Alice did not know. "I think I fell asleep."

Mirana nodded, understanding. "It has certainly been an eventful day," she said with a sigh as she took Alice's hands in hers and helped her to her feet. "I have a dress for you right here…" she glided over to the bed and put her hand on a beautiful, pale blue gown.

Even through her confused state, Alice couldn't help but be pleased. She thanked the Queen graciously and Mirana beamed.

"I have to attend to some matters, but I will return momentarily," she said and Alice nodded, stumbling over to her empty teacup and picking it up. The aroma of brown sugar and lemon and chocolate and melon drifted to her nose and she instantly felt an uncomfortable, craving sensation sneaking into her body.

Mirana was suddenly beside her. "May I take that for you?" she asked and reluctantly, Alice handed it to her, thanking her again. Truthfully, she did not want Mirana to take the empty teacup. She wanted to sit on the balcony and sniff it.

Mirana smiled, although Alice noticed that her eyes looked troubled as she gazed into the cup. "Ah, tea is always being passed around here," she murmured. "And the most delicious tea, I might add." And with that, she was gone.

Alice fell to her knees and leaned her head against the floor. She did not feel like herself at all and she tried to remember what she had been doing before she had mysteriously fallen asleep.

The balcony! She had been on the balcony, thinking…but what about?

About the Hatter! She lifted her gaze to the bed and at the gown. How lovely. It was certainly a lovely gown. But what about the Hatter? Hadn't she discovered something new? New memories? She had, but she realized now that it was as if her slate had been wiped clean. She could remember absolutely nothing.

Alice now noticed that she couldn't see anything under the bed anymore. Hadn't she banned her stupid wedding gown there the night before? She stuck her hand under the bed and felt around, but nothing was there. She smiled to herself. Perhaps they had thrown it away.

Alice had the most dreadful time getting dressed. She had no trouble stripping out of her lavender dress, but it took her three tries to actually step into the ball gown. She still felt so incredibly tired and just…not quite right. She had never drank alcohol in her life, not even when she turned of age, but she had seen her sister's horrendous husband, Lowell, when he was drunk and later on, hung-over. It didn't look like a pleasant experience and she imagined she was acting just like Lowell at that moment, although a very mild version of Lowell.

After a good ten minutes, the dress was on but it was not fastened. Alice lay down on the bed helplessly. What was wrong with her? She struggled to make sense of things through the fog of her mind, but the fog was stronger. The fog was winning.

There was a knock on the door and Alice opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. The door opened and Mirana was once again looking down at the girl.

"Alice, what is the matter?" she asked fearfully.

Alice began to giggle. "Nothing," she murmured. "I just feel a little bit funny."

Mirana put an arm around Alice's waist and pulled her to a standing position. She was very much alarmed, but decided not to show it. She smiled grandly and ushered Alice to the mirror. "Let's get you laced up, shall we?" she suggested and Alice nodded with a silly grin.

Mirana began to lace the back of Alice's gown, which criss-crossed in a fashion similar to the wedding dress she had worn the day before. The gown was pale blue, the color Alice had worn on her second visit to Underland, held up by delicate, thin straps. It fit perfectly.

Mirana had not yet gotten Alice fitted so that she could have dresses made for her. No, that was her plan for the following day. Instead, Mirana had searched for dresses she had worn when she was Alice's age, and was delighted to see that they fit her exceptionally: first, the lavender one, and now, this blue gown. She had decided to give them to Alice because she had no particular use for them anymore anyway. She preferred white things and these pale colors complimented Alice's beauty nicely.

Deciding that Alice's wavy, beautiful hair was fine just the way it was, Mirana linked arms with her. She did it cheerfully to make it seem like a casual act of companionship; she didn't want Alice to know that she was doing it so that the girl wouldn't fall down.

Mirana sighed. Even through her unusual state, Alice still looked beautiful.

While leading Alice down the hall, Mirana began to worry that perhaps she should have cancelled the ball altogether. But people had already begun arriving before Mirana realized Alice's bizarre condition. No, the show must go on.

At that moment, Alice tripped and Mirana tightened her hold on the girl. She suddenly knew what she had to do before leading Alice into the festivities.

She opened the door to her vacant throne room and pulled a smiling Alice through the door. It was nighttime now, and the soft twilight shone through the long windows. Mirana, a woman with a purpose, stared straight ahead, marching Alice down the long length of the room and to the door behind the throne.

The tiny kitchen-like room was empty and quiet, since the March Hare was most likely in the ballroom. She wandered over to her little table full of ingredients, one eye on what she was doing and the other eye on Alice, who was walking around the room, humming.

Mirana stared at the empty flask, drumming her fingertips against the table. She wanted to make sure she remembered how to do this…

Ah, that was it. The Queen pinched her nose so that she would not sneeze as she added five tablespoons of pepper to the flask. And what other things? Ah yes, a twig from the dog-shaped bush outside of the castle. A strand of the Hatter's fiery hair. Syrup from a sweet heart. A dollop of nostalgic feeling. And last but certainly not least, a lemon seed.

Mirana wasn't sure if this would help Alice remember, but at least it would ward off the fog. It concerned her that Alice had awoken merely confused, and had progressively worsened, to the point where she was acting like a drunkard.

"Alice!" she called cheerfully and Alice turned quickly, bumping into the table. "Won't you try this for me, please?" she asked, waving away the heat, and Alice eagerly drank it.

Alice began to cough and Mirana held the girl's arm, waiting for the spell to end. Alice sneezed and then her smile faded and she brought a hand to her head. "Oh, Mirana," she whispered. "I feel dreadful."

Mirana felt her forehead. "You do feel a bit hot. Perhaps you would like to go back upstairs and lie down?"

Alice shook her head. "The ball!"

"The ball can always wait," the Queen said kindly.

"Really, I'll be fine," Alice assured her and the Queen bowed her head, respecting the girl's wishes.

The large White Ballroom was almost entirely white marble, except for the elegant wooden paneling that lined the room. It was absolutely beautiful and Alice felt her mood brighten just by walking into the room. It was filled with so many people and animals that Alice felt a bit overwhelmed. As soon as she had walked inside, numerous guests had rushed over to her, greeting her, hugging her, thanking her, honoring her. Although she knew none of them, Alice greeted each of them graciously, feeling better, although her confused, pained feeling did not entirely disappear.

Alice wanted very much to be in the company of her old friends and although she knew they were there, she could not find them due to the unbelievable amount of other guests. Soft music played from somewhere in the room and Alice was slightly reminded of parties back in London. However, this ball was not one bit dull, as the ones at home had been.

She was asked to dance many times and she danced with each individual who asked her, feeling flattered. She was twirled, spun, held, and led about. But as a waltz began, she realized she was beginning to feel dizzy again, and she prepared to leave the dance floor as quickly as possible so that she could get some kind of peace and maybe even recover. But then something else happened.

"Alice?" asked a timid, lisp-laced voice from behind her. She turned and came face to face with the Hatter.

"Hello Hatter," she offered him a smile, and he smiled back nervously, before holding out his hand.

"May I have this dance?"

Alice beamed. All thoughts of her dizziness were forgotten as she put her hand into his. Again, she was struck by the warmth. His bandaged thumb and cut gloves brushed her skin delicately.

"Of course," she told him, noticing with joy how his bright green eyes lit up.

She should have known by then that good things must always come to an end and that furthermore, good things are often ruined by bad things. She knew this was the case when an object fell from somewhere up above and landed on the floor between her and the Hatter. Confused, Alice stared at it. The object looked familiar…and realizing what it was, she felt sick. She reached down to snatch it, hoping to hide it as quickly as possible, but the Hatter had already picked it up, and was holding it up.

Alice watched in shame as she saw the Hatter studying her wedding dress and veil. She watched as the light left his eyes and the smile disappeared from his face. His face simply fell as he stared at it.

"Alice dear," said a lady that Alice had never seen before, very loudly. "Why on earth is your wedding dress in the middle of the dance floor?"

A few people chuckled at her remark, until everyone began to laugh. Of course they would laugh, Alice thought. They didn't know how much she loathed the dress and idea of marriage, and they probably didn't notice how hurt the Hatter looked. They just thought it was random that her dress had fallen from the sky practically.

Alice's gaze narrowed as she looked the woman over. She was large woman, her bosom much too large for her dress and her evil grin much too large for her face. She had dark hair and dark eyes and Alice was quite sure she harbored a dark soul as well. And how did she know it was _Alice's_ wedding dress? Who was this foul woman?

Alice had seen the Hatter look at the woman out of the corner of his eye, his gaze traveling in her direction although he did not turn. His eyes had flashed orange for a brief moment, before turning a lifeless green. He gently and neatly folded the dress and veil and handed it to Alice, the laughter ringing in his ears. "I believe you dropped this," he said quietly, before turning and walking off of the dance floor.

Alice wanted to run after him and shout that it was not her hers and that furthermore, she did not drop it but some other fool had. But the truth was, it _was_ her wedding dress.

She looked around her at all of the faces, wondering who would have thrown her wedding dress into the festivities for fun. What a childish act!

And why did the Hatter look so distressed? And why did she care so strongly about his reaction? She didn't remember him and so why was her first instinct to know what he thought? It must have been part of the process of remembering. Alice clung to this possibility hopefully. If she couldn't recognize memories, at least she could recognize feelings.

Ignoring everybody around her, Alice quickly dashed off of the floor in the direction the Hatter had gone. If she could only talk to him! Squeezing through a very narrow door, Alice looked around her. A cold, stone staircase stood before her and she began to run up it.

She sunk to her knees halfway up the steps. Dreadful, nauseating pain filled her head and she dropped her dress, bringing her hands to her head.

For a good moment, Alice sat on the staircase alone, her head in her hands and her stomach practically in her throat. Was this the result of whatever the Queen had given her? She had never felt so strange in her entire life. Cringing, Alice fought the urge to cry out as wave after wave of sickening pain rose from her stomach, to her throat, to her head, and back down. She finally felt one last powerful surge of pain, before everything was calm again.

She was sweating, her hair covering her face. She lifted her head and looked to the top of the staircase. Moonlight drifted down, meeting her halfway.

It was a crescent moon and it very much reminded her of the Cheshire Cat's grin. And the Cheshire Cat was her friend. One of her Wonderland friends; her wonderful Wonderland friends. He seemed to have a fondness for top hats, especially the top hat of her dear friend, the Hatter.

Alice froze, staring straight ahead.

_Her dear friend, the Hatter._

The Hatter had been her very close friend.

A rush of images hit Alice, overwhelming her and making her feel as if she had been struck by a heavy object. She scrambled to her feet, ran up the rest of the stairs, and stood at the top of the staircase, breathless. She was on one of the castle's numerous balconies, but she was alone.

But that hardly mattered anymore, because something extraordinary was happening.

Alice was beginning to _remember_.


	6. Chapter 6: The Dawning Realization

Chapter 6: The Dawning Realization

Alice began to pace the balcony urgently as the memories ran endlessly through her mind and through her heart. It all made perfect sense now. The Hatter had been her very best friend here in Wonderland. And now realizing this, she wanted nothing more than to find him, embrace him, and tell him of all of the memories she had re-discovered. She wanted to see him grin his familiar, innocent smile and talk nonsense with her. She wanted to look upon him with her new eyes.

She turned, intending to look wherever she could for the Hatter, and bumped right into the Queen.

"Oh, Mirana!" she said quickly. "I'm so sorry."

Mirana looked troubled, but still emitted kindness. "Do not be sorry, Alice," she said lightly. "Is something the matter?"

Alice's eyes widened. "I _remember_," she whispered, taking the Queen's hands and squeezing them. "I remember the Hatter!"

Mirana smiled a small smile as she whispered to herself, "Remarkable!"

"Where is he?" Alice asked suddenly. "I really would love to see him and tell him." The thought of ending his pain made Alice feel even more anxious to find him. Everything that had happened that day was drifting lazily through her mind and all of the Hatter's expressions were piercing her heart. The Hatter's heartbroken expression that morning in the dining room, his sad expression that afternoon on the balcony, and his shocked expression just moments ago in the ballroom.

Alice guiltily thought of the excruciating, crippling, emotional pain that she had probably caused and that she had to whisk away immediately.

"I am not sure where he is," Mirana said softly, her eyes traveling to the landscape behind Alice. "But I intend to find him."

"Let me go with you," Alice offered immediately.

Mirana took the girl's hands and led her back to the top of the stone staircase. "Alice, I assure you that I would love nothing more," she said. "But I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to go to your room and _lock the door_. And stay there."

Alice stared at her. The idea certainly wasn't appealing. The Queen nodded apologetically. "I know, Alice," she replied to Alice's unspoken confusion. "I hadn't wanted to tell you this, but there is strange danger lurking about. And it has got everything to do with you and how you forgot the Hatter."

Alice's heart sunk slightly. More danger for Wonderland? Danger for her?

"I will come back as soon as I can," Mirana told her as she led her down the steps carefully. "But I do not know who is causing such suspicion and so right now, everybody is suspect."

Alice noticed that her wedding dress was no longer where she had dropped it on the stairs and this time she felt dismayed. Would somebody else cause trouble with it?

They stepped through the narrow door and Mirana gently ushered Alice through the throngs of people in the ballroom. Everything had gone back to normal and everyone was engaged in their own affairs. They hardly noticed as the poised Mirana and fretful Alice made their way across the ballroom and to the door on the other side.

The door closed behind them, muffling the sounds of the music and cheer coming from within the ballroom. Mirana led her to the bottom of a grand staircase and put a hand on Alice's shoulder.

"I am so very sorry, Alice," she said regretfully. "I hate the idea of locking you in your room like a prisoner. But it _is_ to keep you safe."

Alice nodded, letting the Queen know she understood.

Mirana smiled, before leaning in very closely, her smile fading.

"And Alice," she whispered. "Do not drink anything that anybody offers you. Do not accept anything under any circumstances."

And with that, she was gone.

Alice turned and began to walk up the marble steps quickly, feeling the urgency of the situation. She was a bit frightened but that still couldn't completely drown the feeling of joy that she remembered the Hatter. She found herself remembering more, bit by bit.

_Alice hadn't known quite what to expect when the Cheshire Cat told her that he would take her to see the Hatter and the Hare. After all, she was still very small in size and she had just been chased by a Bandersnatch. But she couldn't help but be amused when they came upon the tea party and its inhabitants. Everything was just so…bizarre_

_The Hatter had looked up and spotter he. His face had slowly broken into a grin as he climbed onto the table and walked across it as if it were the most natural thing to do ever. The clinking of cups and dishes rang in her tiny ears as she Hatter stepped across everything._

_"It's you," he had said joyfully, as he knelt before her._

_Mally had informed him at that point that she was the wrong Alice._

_"It's absolutely Alice! You're absolutely Alice! I'd know you anywhere." He turned back to the inhabitants of the table. "I'd know him anywhere!"_

_The remainder of the tea party had been just as eventful and Alice remembered how the Hatter had made her drink something that shrank her even more and then stuffed her into a teapot for safety. Afterward, he had quickly constructed a small dress for her to wear, and offered her his hat as a mode of travel._

_He had been watching out for her…_

Alice opened the door to her room cautiously and crept in, not feeling quite secure until she had lit the lamp by the bed. The soft, golden light filled the room and Alice realized with relief that no one was creeping where they shouldn't be. She hurried back to the door, closed it, and locked it.

Losing herself back in her newly remembered memories, she sat on the bed and leaned against the headboard, her ball gown surrounding her.

_Alice stood on the rock that the Hatter had just set her down on. She had just gotten finished telling him that she didn't slay things and that's when he had set her down on the rock, ready to walk away. She remembered how she had called to him, telling him that he couldn't leave her there._

_"You're not the same as you were before," he had told her suddenly. "You were much more…muchier…you've lost your muchness."_

_"My muchness?" Alice had been thoroughly confused._

_"In there," he said, poking her in the stomach. "Something's missing."_

_Alice wasn't quite sure what was missing, but she took his word for it. _

_The Hatter had told her then of what the Red Queen had done, how the White Queen had been exiled, and how his clan had perished. And as her heart was aching for him, he so suddenly picked her up her and put her in his pocket, running through the forest._

_She hadn't known what to expect when he had placed her on his top hat and muttered directions to her. He then whipped the hat so that it landed far away, across a river, and Alice had watched with an sick feeling as he was captured and taken prisoner._

_"DOWN WITH BLOODY RED QUEEN!" His roar echoed in her head and had continued to do so as she had slept under the tattered top hat that night._

_She had met Bayard the very next day and had tried to tell him how she was not the Alice that everyone was talking about._

_"The Hatter would not have given himself up for just any Alice," the dog had said wisely and that remark made Alice think._

_She felt terribly that the Hatter had been taking prisoner, and she resolved to save him. That's when she had instructed Bayard to take her and the Hatter's hat to the Red Queen's castle._

_That's when she realized she had to watch out for him, too._

Now that Alice could not leave her room, she had all of the time in the world to think about things. How could she have ever forgotten? What had made her forget? What Mirana had told her made perfect sense; the situation was strange in every way. She had remembered the Hatter the day before, and had suddenly forgotten him the next day. But why?

_Alice, at a significantly bigger size than normal, had been looking for the Hatter and she found him making hats for the Red Queen. Alice had told him how it was a pity that he had to make them for _her_. And that had him come to his senses and with an outraged cry, he had swiped his tools off of the worktable and tried desperately to yank his chained ankle away from the table, falling deep into rage._

_Alice, not knowing what else to do, had taken his face in her hands. "Hatter!"_

_The Hatter had calmed down but was still visibly shaken. He told her of his fears and then…_

_"Have I gone mad?" he had asked her fearfully._

_She had felt his forehead with her hand. "I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret…all the best people are." She remembered her father telling her this and she absolutely loved it._

_She had put the hat back on his heed and told him how he looked like himself again. He was obviously overwhelmed with gratitude and he smiled at her. _

_"Why is it you're always too small or too tall?" _

The tea! Was it the tea? Alice shivered as she thought about the delicious tea that she still craved even at that moment. She had had it twice now, and each time afterward, she had forgotten memories of the Hatter.

_Do not drink anything that anybody offers you. Do not accept anything under any circumstances. _Mirana's warning echoed in her head and it suddenly all made perfect sense. But why had Alice acted strangely the second time she had taken it? And how had she suddenly remembered her memories? So many questions were still unanswered.

_Alice worried extensively for the Hatter and his fate. She was safely at the White Castle with the White Queen, but she could not say the same for her friends. She anxiously waited on the balcony with Mirana, who was waiting for a champion to arrive._

_When Alice had seen the odd crew making their way to the White Castle, she had been full of joy and relief. She had looked into the spyglass quickly before unattaching it so that Bayard could see that his wife and pups were there as well. _

_She had been so happy to see the Hatter and he had been joyful as well, especially to see her at her correct size._

_That night on the balcony, she had been staring out into the night, thinking about everything and nothing, and especially what was to come that next day, the Frabjous Day. The Hatter had joined her and they had exchanged a few words here and there. _

_"You still believe this is a dream, do you?" the Hatter had said, replying to one of her statements._

_"Of course," Alice replied. It all seemed very logical. "This has all come from my own mind."_

_"Which would mean that _I'm_ not real," the Hatter had realized slowly._

_She told the Hatter that she would be the one to dream up someone who was half mad._

_"Yes, yes. But you would have to be half mad to dream me up."_

_Alice had still thought it was a dream though._

_"I'll miss you when I wake up," she told him and his smile had disappeared as they stood in silence, looking out into the night._

Alice's eyes grew heavy and she lay down, pressing her cheek into the soft, white, cotton pillow. The craving was becoming progressively stronger and she wrapped her arms around herself, trying to ignore it. She reached back into herself, grasping for more memories to distract her.

_Alice had been the champion all along. She had been terrified to slay the Jabberwocky and she sincerely believed that she wouldn't be able to do it. She had stood beside the Hatter, awaiting battle, and she had stated her fear._

_"This is impossible."_

_"Only if you believe it is," the Hatter said softly and thoughts of her father and how he had believed in six impossible things by breakfast floated back to her._

_And she had done it! She had slain the Jabberwocky and restored the crown to the White Queen. And the Queen had given her a vial of the Jabberwocky's blood, to get her home, if that is what she wished._

_The Hatter had come up behind her. "You could stay," he had said._

_"What an idea," Alice had said with a smile. "A crazy, mad, wonderful idea." She very much liked the idea. She realized that she truly would like to stay in Underland, even if for only awhile, where she could be with her friends and where she could be with the Hatter. _

_But she had responsibilities waiting for her in back in London. She thought of her mother and her sister. And she thought about Hamish with an internal grimace._

_"But I can't," she told the Hatter softly. "There are questions I have to answer. Things I have to do." And then she had drank the potion before she could change her mind._

_The crestfallen expression on his face made her heart ache. "Be back again before you know it," she said brightly, hoping to encourage him._

_"You won't remember me," he had said, his voice almost a whisper, with an extremely small and sad smile._

_"Of course I will! How could I forget?" Alice truly believed she couldn't forget, especially now that she knew these weren't dreams. And then something tugged at her mind._

_"Hatter…why _is_ a raven like a writing desk?"_

_The Hatter smiled slightly. "I haven't the slightest idea."_

_Then he leaned forward to whisper in her ear. "Fairfarren, Alice."_

_He had pulled back and gazed at her. All she could do was gaze back, waiting for whatever would happen next. He did not frown, but kept a calm expression on his face, even though she could see in his eyes that letting her go had been painful._

_His face had been the last she had seen as Underland disappeared and she climbed out of the rabbit hole._

Alice closed her eyes. The Hatter had been right. She had said she wouldn't forget and she had gone right ahead and forgotten. But although she knew it wasn't entirely her fault, she still felt the guilt seeping through her veins. She was just starting to drift off when she heard a strange sound, kind of like metal against metal, and the door opening. Her eyes opened quickly, as she held her breath.

It was the young lady from the night before and earlier that evening, the lady whose name she still did not know. She was holding a cup of tea in her hand. Warning signals went off in Alice's head. Mirana had said not to accept any drinks, but Alice could smell the sweet brown sugar and lemon and chocolate and melon wafting from the cup. Her cravings sang. She felt as if she needed that tea.

Thoughts of the Hatter filled her mind as she resisted. Yes, the tea was delicious, but the Hatter and his happiness were more important to her.

Alice decided the best thing to do was to pretend to be exhausted…too exhausted to drink tea.

"Alice," the young lady said sweetly, closing the door behind her, making Alice feel quite trapped. "I saw that you were no longer at the ball and thought perhaps you would like some tea to help you sleep?"

Alice had thought that the lady had been so kind, but now she could see through the façade. Her sweetness was positively sickening.

"Thank you very much," Alice said, trying to keep her voice level. "But I am not feeling very well."

"Then this is the perfect thing for you," the lady said immediately and the closer she came to the bed, the worse Alice felt.

"I would love a nice cup of tea, but I cannot keep anything down," Alice confessed with false apology in her voice, looking up at the lady from the bed. If the lady argued to that, if she argued to the fact that Alice could not keep liquid in her stomach due to vomiting, then she was very desperate. And that was very wrong.

"The tea will soothe your stomach," the lady told her, although Alice could see her smile tighten visibly and her eyes turn cold.

Alice really did not want to be rude, but it was getting increasingly difficult to refuse politely. "No, thank you," she said quietly.

The young lady narrowed her eyes at Alice. "I dislike being frank, Miss Alice," she said in a low tone. "But I think it's impolite to refuse the Queen's remedies and hospitality."

Alice felt uncharacteristic rage stir in her stomach. Before she could stop herself, she had retorted.

"I agree that that would be very impolite of me, but I do not believe the Queen sent that tea."

Alice saw fear cross the lady's eyes momentarily…but fear of what? Of being discovered? She pulled herself to a sitting position so that she was face to face with the woman. She did not like looking up at her in such a vulnerable position.

"Alice, dear, you are terribly ill," the lady said, holding a hand out. Alice cocked her head to one side. Through her desperation, this lady did not seem so young anymore.

"I am?" Alice asked smoothly.

"You are," the lady assured her, holding out the cup. Alice winced as the aroma threatened to strangle her. "You are so ill that you have become forgetful and a bit unstable. You even fall asleep at random moments."

"Is that really due to an illness?" Alice asked curtly. "Or perhaps, is it due to a beverage?"

Anger gleamed from the lady's deep brown eyes and she held her up hand, snapping her fingers three times. A frightening looking man entered. He towered over the both of them and looked like he was at least over six feet and at least over two hundred pounds.

"Hold her down," the lady instructed and before Alice could even cry out, he had pushed her roughly down to the bed, and was pinning her arms down.

"Dear Alice," the lady said as she grabbed Alice's chin roughly in her cold hand. "You could have made this very easy on yourself, but I'm afraid we have to take drastic measures due to your…attitude." She positioned the cup at Alice's lips and Alice began to thrash violently.

One of her arms broke free from the man's grip, but she only succeeded in knocking over the lamp and bringing complete darkness to the room.

"Troublesome girl!" the lady hissed, grasping Alice's chin so tightly that her jaw became sore. She was once again held down and the teacup was once again at her lips. The smell was suffocating her, willing her to succumb. But she couldn't do that to the Hatter. She couldn't do it. She tried to keep her mouth closed, but the lady squeezed her chin so hard that her mouth popped open anyway.

What came next happened so suddenly that Alice almost wasn't sure if it really happened. She heard a furious roar from the doorway and the fingers at her jaws were pried away. There was an ungraceful thump as the woman hit the ground and the teacup shattered into tiny, jagged pieces.

Alice felt the man who was holding her down about to grab her and maybe even run off, but a sudden light blinded him. Alice saw that a candle had been lit, and that the Hatter was flinging a hatpin at the gigantic man. It struck him in the eye.

The man fell to his knees with a shout and the Hatter pulled Alice off of the bed, grabbing her hand firmly and rushing her out to the balcony.

Had the Hatter just rescued her? She believed he had.

The Hatter was climbing over the railing of the balcony, and Alice rushed to his side. "What are you doing?" she asked him nervously.

"Departing!" The Hatter said in his rough Scottish accent, his eyes still slightly orange.

"Why aren't we taking the stairs?" Alice asked, confused.

"Because that would be in no way interesting or heroic," the Hatter told her. He took her hand and squeezed it, his eyes slowly morphing into a bright green. "I'll be waiting at the bottom. All you need to do is jump." And with that, he let go and dropped into the darkness.

Alice was afraid as she looked down into the dark. All she needed to do was jump? Why ever would she jump off of a balcony? Alice knew this was a matter of trust but she still didn't like the idea of jumping, not knowing what awaited her at the bottom.

The Hatter waited for her at the bottom, didn't he? Alice gripped the cold railing, leaning over the edge to look down.

"Alice!" came the Hatter's voice from the darkness, now back to its normal, sweet lisp.

The enormous man had staggered to his feet and with a moan, was stumbling out onto the balcony, one large hand over his eye. And without a second thought, Alice climbed onto the railing and leapt.

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**A/N: So in the next few chapters, I hope to clear some things up and I will explain other things - like who Alice is supposed to be marrying, etc. Thank you for the reviews =) Please keep letting me know what you think!**


	7. Chapter 7: The Escape

_Chapter 7: The Escape_

Alice had known, after jumping off of the balcony, that it would not be a comfortable landing. She landed right into the Hatter's outstretched arms, knocking him over in the process.

"Hatter!" she cried, afraid that she had hurt him, but he merely picked himself off of the ground, made sure her hand was securely in his, and began to run towards the woods.

They ran through the thick forestry, although Alice was no longer sure if anyone was following them. She decided to instead concentrate on where she was going, considering she had no shoes on and it was so dark that she could barely see the Hatter in front of her. She was also having a hard time just traveling in a straight direction, with all of her stumbling. She did not want the Hatter to know, but the wicked young woman from Mirana's castle had succeeded in getting some of the tea in her mouth.

It hadn't been a lot but Alice was still struggling to keep her eyes open. How had it happened before? She had drunk the tea and each time she had fallen asleep. When she awoke the first time, she had forgotten entirely who the Hatter was. When she awoke the second time, she still hadn't gained any past memories back and she was practically a drunken fool.

So the only thing to do was not fall asleep. It would be no easy task but Alice knew she had to do it. She would not forget the Hatter again, not after she had found him. She was thinking about all of this when she felt a particularly uncomfortable sensation in her foot, followed by an intense throbbing sensation. She dropped to the ground unexpectedly, accidently yanking the Hatter down with her.

"Alice?" he whispered nervously. "Alice, what is the matter?"

Alice clutched her bare foot. She had stepped on a particularly sharp stick that had lodged itself quite deeply into the arch of her foot. She leaned against the tree, fighting the urge to be sick.

"Nothing," she whispered back, not wanting to alarm the Hatter and not wanting him to see her fear. She wrapped her hand around the stick, holding her breath, ready to yank it out. She pulled and when it did not move, she hissed through her teeth in pain.

The Hatter gently took her foot and studied it. The moon had mysteriously appeared and it was easier to see now. When the Hatter saw what was there, he inhaled sharply. "Oh, Alice," she heard him murmur as he placed his fingers around the stick.

Alice tensed as she stared at the Hatter. She was about to open her mouth to ask what he was going to do but he held up a hand.

"I'll count to three," he said, although Alice could see that his own hand was shaking.

"No," Alice whispered. "No, it's fine…"

"One," the Hatter began.

"It's nothing, I'm sure I can do it -"

"Two…"

"In fact, I don't mind it being there…"

"Two and a half…" the Hatter was looking at her urgently.

"_Hatter!"_

"Three!"

And with a large and dynamic yank, the Hatter tore the stick from her foot. Alice felt her fingers dig into the cool earth as she bit back a yell.

The Hatter ripped a piece of the sleeve of his jacket off and tied it around her bleeding foot, binding it tightly. And then he gathered her in his arms and picked her up.

"I can walk!" Alice insisted, quite embarrassed.

The Hatter said nothing as he quickened his pace, although it could not have been at all easy with him carrying her weight. Alice knew of only one way to make him stop.

"I remember you," she whispered.

She was right. The Hatter stopped abruptly, still cradling her. "What did you say?" he asked, staring straight ahead.

"I remember you, Hatter."

The Hatter gently set her on the ground, under a tree, and kneeled before her. "You mean that?"

"I do," Alice insisted. "I remember everything. And I can't believe that I ever forgot."

Alice saw what looked like profound relief in the Hatter's eyes and he smiled. However, Alice saw that it was a smile that did not completely reach his eyes and she knew something was still wrong.

"Alice, we should stop and rest," the Hatter said suddenly. "You look exhausted."

"No," Alice said firmly, although she had been fighting to keep her eyes open. "I don't want to rest." And she didn't want the Hatter to know what would happen if she fell asleep.

But she knew the Hatter could see right through her. He looked down at her, his look strange.

"Alice, don't strain yourself on my accord," he said softly, his lisp sweet. And that's when Alice knew that Hatter knew about the drug and that that was the reason for her forgetting.

"I don't want to forget again," Alice whispered, although she was slowly drifting into unconsciousness.

"It's all right," the Hatter assured her, patting her hand.

_It's all right._

Alice felt as if she were falling into a dream-like world. Everything around her became hazy; the Hatter's face blurred and swayed. Or maybe she was swaying. She couldn't be sure. Why did her foot hurt so much? Oh, how it ached. She wanted some of that tea badly, even more badly than she wanted to sleep. She held herself up by leaning against the tree. If she lay down, that would be the end.

"Alice," a voice whispered, but it was not the Hatter's voice. She felt a cool hand on her forehead and recognized the Queen's voice and touch. "Sleep, Alice."

She heard soft voices, and felt somebody pick her up. She resisted feebly, although she wasn't sure if her words were making any noise, or if they were merely in her head.

_I want to walk._

"She's trying to resist, Tarrant. She's trying to fight the drug."

_Let me walk!_

"Mirana, what can we do to help her? We _must_ help her!"

_You can put me down so that I can walk and therefore, not sleep!_

"I'm afraid there is nothing we can do at this point, Tarrant. We must let the drug run its course."

_No…No!_

"I will also whip up that potion that helped her before. It will be all right."

_I don't want to forget again._

All of the memories that Alice had re-discovered stood before her very eyes, mocking her. They were slipping away…

_I won't forget…I can't._

"Don't lose heart, Tarrant. If she does forget, she will remember again."

And then everything went black.

A short time later, Alice was half awake. She had awoken to someone gently shaking her and handing her a cup. Hands propped her up supportively and she had obediently sipped the liquid, before falling back asleep.

Thoughts and memories swirled in her mind hours later. She felt herself rising towards consciousness, but not entirely. Part of her wanted to stay in the safe sleep, and the other part wanted to desperately wake up and see what had happened to her.

She heard voices and not yet able to open her eyes or form any coherent sentences, Alice lay still for awhile longer.

A short while later, needing to feel the sensation of being on her feet again, Alice opened her eyes and sat up. Her world was spinning but after she closed her eyes, and reopened them, it stopped. She placed her bare feet on the cool, wooden floorboards and stood.

Alice swayed for a moment, before steadying herself. She was in what appeared to be a tiny one-room cottage. Although it was tiny, it was lovely and comfortable, and Alice became curious as to whose cottage she was in. She walked slowly and unsteadily to what appeared to be the front door, which was cracked open slightly. She stopped when she heard voices.

"I may be mad but I'm not stupid, Chessur," she heard the Hatter say quietly. "I knew you were all hiding it from me."

"Then why did you look so shocked at the ball?" McTwisp was asking.

"Because it confirmed all that everyone was saying," the Hatter said simply. "Just because you have heard something one time, does not mean it hurts less the second or third."

Alice's heart sunk and she restrained from making a choking noise in her throat. On the bright side, if ever there was one, she remembered the Hatter and she still had her memories intact. But what she had heard made her incredibly sad.

She turned from the door and looked around the room. She had been sleeping in a very large bed, covered with soft, white, silk sheets. Although the floor was oak-colored, the walls were white marble. Directly across the room was a noble, large fireplace, with a warm fire crackling inside. A large white couch sat in front of it and Alice wondered if this place belonged to the Queen.

There was also a backdoor and Alice was drawn to it as if it held some kind of magnetic force. She wanted nothing more than to be alone with her thoughts at that moment. She did feel rather horrendous and she was sure she looked it too. She noticed she was still wearing the gown Mirana had given to her, and that it was ripped and shredded due to the previous night's activities.

After going through the door, she found herself on a hill covered in a carpet of soft, green grass and overlooking a magnificent valley. Alice sat down and looked out across the landscape. Whatever this place was, she liked it. It was peaceful.

But although her surroundings were peaceful, Alice felt nothing but overwhelming anxiety. Unanswerable questions tugged at her mind and unreasonable dread prodded at her stomach. She had finally escaped her reality once again and come to Wonderland, but why was she being targeted? Why were so many bad things happening?

These questions mixed with her current situation back home only fueled the fire. Every moment she spent in Underland further convinced her that getting married was the wrong choice. It was making her dread her return home – and she knew that there _would_ be a return home. And why was her engagement troubling the Hatter so? She knew now that he was her dear friend and that perhaps he was only concerned for her, but it still made her wonder. She tried to think back even further than her last trip to Underland when she had been nineteen. She had been to Underland when she was a child too, but she found those memories were still a bit fuzzy.

After awhile, she felt a presence and someone sit next to her. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw that it was Mirana, her white skirts spread out gracefully around her, contrasting against the bright green grass. They sat in comfortable silence for awhile, before Mirana turned to her.

"How do you feel, Alice?" she asked, her voice serious and concerned.

Alice stared back at the Queen, her head aching, her heart tight, and the uncomfortable craving for the tea swimming through her veins.

"I feel _terrible_, Mirana," Alice said truthfully, feeling hopeless tears spring to her eyes. She felt the words ready to spill out of her, every detail and every fear. She had forced herself to remain calm and coherent but now she felt those reasonable emotions fleeing, just as they had fled the castle the night before.

The Queen turned even more so that she was facing Alice fully and kindly took her hands. "Tell me what has been going on," she encouraged.

Alice took a deep, cleansing breath of fresh air, before beginning her tale from the beginning. She let the words rush out, with no ceremony, explanations, or rehearsal. She told it like it was.

She told Mirana how she had traveled the world and the Queen beamed at her proudly. She told Mirana how she had met a man back in London and the Queen nodded curiously. She told Mirana how she had agreed to marry this man and the Queen's smile faltered slightly.

And she told Mirana that she was starting to think it was the wrong choice and the Queen paused in deep thought.

She also told Mirana that she was afraid of what was happening in Underland and she did not like the way she felt one bit, and the Queen embraced the girl.

Alice felt cold tears stream down her face as she clung to Mirana. Impossible, she thought. Tears were not cold. What was wrong with her?

It was the tea, the tea! That awful, wonderful, powerful tea.

"I hate tea," Alice whispered, sniffling.

"I know, dear," the Queen said, rubbing the girl's back.

"And I hate whatever it is that is happening to me."

"Don't hate that, Alice dear," Mirana said gently, pulling back and firmly grasping Alice's shoulders.

"What else can I do?" Alice asked, her chin crumpling and her voice fading.

"Embrace it," Mirana told her. "When things go wrong, that is all you can do…_embrace_ it. If you cannot change things, you take what is handed to you and you carry on, molding yourself into whatever you need to be to overcome it."

Alice felt her tears stop as Mirana's wisdom soaked into her mind.

"And that is what we are going to do, here in Underland," the Queen continued, a determined smile on her face. "Don't ever doubt yourself, Alice. _You_ are our champion. _You_ slayed the Jabberwocky."

Alice's eyes widened in realization.

"And as far as your marriage goes…I want you to know that you do not have to do anything that you do not want to do. No one can make you do anything, Alice. And so if you do not feel it is right, you do not have to go through with it. And if you feel it is right, then you can run into it freely and with all of our blessings here in Underland carrying you through it."

Alice looked out upon the beautiful landscape and felt hope return to her. "Thank you, Mirana," she whispered, and the Queen bowed her head gracefully in response.

Alice felt someone sit on her other side, and looking over her shoulder, she saw the Hatter. He looked so serious that for a minute, it frightened her. And furthermore, she knew somewhere deep down that he had heard every word.

He smiled slightly, showing no teeth, and put a reassuring hand on her back. Alice felt a weight lift off of her shoulders as she read in his bright green eyes what he was trying to communicate to her:

Tarrant had heard every word and no matter what she chose, he would support it and be there for her in the end.

And so Alice sat with her two good friends on the grassy hillside and let her hopes be restored and her mind eased. She had a long road ahead of her, but she was after all, a warrior.

She would win against this enemy of Underland. And she would win in her marriage decision…although she had not yet decided if she was to be married or not.


	8. Chapter 8: The Wretched Potion

_A/N: I apologize for taking forever to update...apparently school and work really does consume my life. I also apologize that this chapter is a tad shorter than usual. But I found it in my documents today and saw that it was all I had written and saved up, and decided to put it out there!_

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_Chapter 8: The Wretched Potion_

Alice tossed and turned all night. Mirana and the Hatter had encouraged her to come to them immediately if she had any more unusual cravings for the wicked tea, but she ignored these. She could not see herself going to the Queen, or her dear friend Tarrant, and telling them that she needed tea and that she was having withdrawals.

She was sweating when she woke up from a particularly vivid nightmare that included her fiancée, James, and what else, but tea that tasted of brown sugar and lemon and chocolate and melon. Untangling herself from the hot white sheets, she stepped across the floorboards and over to the door. She realized with alarm that even the floor felt like hot coals. She glanced towards the fireplace to make sure that everyone was sleeping and when she saw that they were, she slipped outside.

They had insisted that she take the only bed and she had protested, but yet, that was where she had ended up.

Alice sat herself down in the grass close to the house. As much as she wanted to be free to go anywhere, she could not ignore the fact that there was danger lurking somewhere. And as soon as she sat in the greenery, she felt sharp chills shake her entire body. It was as if she were sitting in a pile of ice and snow.

And that's when, in the distance, Alice saw her.

The wicked young woman from Mirana's castle, the one who had been feeding her the drug all along, stood in the grass, her white dress billowing around her in the wind, her skin pale and her eyes angry.

Alice scrambled to her feet and looked to the woman.

Never in her life had she felt the impulse to hurt a living thing, not even an insect. It was bad enough that she had had to slay a Jabberwocky. But when she saw this woman, an uncharacteristic rage ran through her very veins and her fingernails cut into her skin as she stared back at the enemy.

And that's when the woman began to laugh. She began to laugh hysterically as she pulled out a knife and began to stab something in the grass.

Alice hadn't even noticed it before, but there was a white creature lying in the grass. Had it been there all along? And all she could think of was McTwisp, the White Rabbit, the only white, furry thing that she had seen around. And realizing that this impossible woman was killing her friend, Alice began to run toward the woman, intent on saving McTwisp and hurting his attacker.

But someone caught her around the waist and held her tightly as she struggled to get free. It must have been the large man, the large man from her bedroom, who would not let her free her friend! She struggled more fiercely but she was not strong enough. And that's when Alice heard a clear voice call out, "Alice?" and whomever was holding her fell to the ground, bringing her down with them.

Mirana had appeared out of the house, her white gown giving her the appearance of a very beautiful ghost. She looked alarmed and Alice took that opportunity to look behind her, to see who was still holding her down.

It was the Hatter.

She frantically glanced back to where she had seen the woman murdering McTwisp, and saw that there was nothing there. She covered her hands with her mouth as she closed her eyes tightly, suspecting the worst. How utterly humiliating. She couldn't have possibly been…_hallucinating_, could she?

She opened her eyes as Mirana helped her up gently and put her arms around the trembling girl.

"Where's McTwisp?" Alice asked in a shaking, frightened voice that sounded much too loud in the quiet, clear night.

"He's in the cabin, sleeping," Mirana whispered to her, and Alice suddenly looked back at the Hatter, who was still sitting in the grass, looking beyond worried. Alice knew he was shocked. She knew he was probably thinking that her madness had surpassed his own.

Mirana looked over to where Alice had been about to run. Gently releasing Alice, she drifted away towards the spot.

Alice, suddenly lost, stared after her, until a sudden tearing noise shook her from her thoughts. She whirled around to see the Hatter standing behind her, still obviously afraid for her. He held out his hands and Alice, not sure what he was indicating, held out her right hand.

Only then did she notice that it was bleeding. What had she been doing?

The tearing noise had been the Hatter tearing part of his sleeve off, and he wrapped this around her cut hand. He held out his hand for her other hand, and wrapped that one up as well. Alice hadn't consciously realized that she had been digging her nails into her palms.

Mirana was heading back to them now, a warm mug in her hand. Alice smelled the delicious aroma immediately and felt weak, her eyes watering and her nose burning.

"Folytolythide," Mirana murmured. "Of course. But that's been banned for years."

Alice assumed that that was the name of the hideous concoction that she had been drinking. She followed Mirana back into the cabin, where she immediately went to the fireplace and threw the mug – cup, tea, and drug – into the fire.

For one terrifying moment, the fire seemed to take the shape of a demon, about to leap out of the fireplace, but then it faded and the fire disappeared, leaving nothing but ash and smoke in its wake.

Strangely, nobody had awoken.

Mirana looked sadly towards Alice, before coming and taking the girl's hands in her own.

"Alice, dear," she said gently. "Will you walk with me?"

Alice nodded numbly, allowing the Queen to take her arm and lead her back out into the night.

They walked along the grassy grounds for a moment, before Mirana spoke her case.

"Alice, dear," she said, her voice low. "I'm afraid that…we need to send you back."

Alice's eyes widened. She turned and stared at Mirana. "What?" she murmured.

"It's not safe for you here anymore," Mirana explained. Upon seeing that Alice still wore a surprised expression, she went into further detail.

"Jabberwockies and evil queens are one thing," she said quietly. "But mystical potions and dark magic are another. Those are harder to fight."

Alice stared at the White Queen. She knew perfectly well what Mirana was telling her, but she did not want to believe it. She wasn't ready to go back to London, because that would bring her back into the Ascott mansion, back to her dim reality, back to her marriage.

"Mirana," she whispered, not wanting to appear desperate, but knowing very well that she was. "Please, not yet."

"I am not, under any circumstances, going to force you to do something you do not want to do," Mirana said quietly, before looking skywards to gaze at the white moon that hung above them.

Alice folded her arms around herself, trying to warm her cold skin. "I want to stay and _help_. I can't go back up wondering what happened to all of you, wondering if you were safe or not."

"I just fear that certain precautions have to be taken," the Queen explained grimly, before turning to Alice's questioning gaze. "You're going to have to be supervised, and hidden, and protected."

Alice nodded, understanding.

"That tea has had enough time to get into your very veins and that is the enemy," Mirana said.

_The enemy is in my veins_, Alice thought as a chill ran down her spine.

"Alice," the Queen said suddenly. "How did you feel when you went outside tonight? What possessed you to do so?"

"I felt like I was in a trance," Alice whispered, knowing she was only confirming Mirana's concerns. "I felt like I was in a dream – or a nightmare, rather."

"_Somebody_ put the tea in the grass," Mirana whispered, glancing around them at the dark woods. "The tea lured you out of the cabin and formed an apparition – a horrifying one that would cause you to react. And you did react."

"What would have happened if the Hatter hadn't stopped me?" Alice asked quietly, fearing the answer.

In the distance, a loud howl pierced the air. Calmly, Mirana tucked the girl's arm into her own, and began to walk her back to the cabin.

"I don't know," she said honestly. "I don't know what would have happened."

Mirana, ever the motherly figure, led Alice straight back to her bed.

Alice tried her best to fall back asleep, although her best hardly worked. She was watching Mirana and Tarrant as they talked quietly in the corner. She knew that they were trying to figure out what to do about this horrible situation. She hoped they would find a solution.

Alice had never felt so helpless in her entire life.


End file.
